How Christians Communicate: What The Bible Teaches Us About Listening and Non-Verbal Communication
10%! That’s how much of our communication is made up of the words we use, verbally or written/typed. That means that 90% of the communication we do is non-verbal. Our body language, facial expressions, and emotional cues make up a massive portion of what we actually say or feel. Most of that time we’re not even being thoughtful or intentional about it, either.
In our fast-paced world, communication often feels like a lost art. We’re bombarded by noise—from social media notifications to the constant hum of daily tasks—making it easy to neglect the simple yet profound acts of listening and nonverbal communication. As Christians, we are called to reflect Christ in every aspect of our lives, including how we communicate. To our spouses, children, coworkers and neighbors, we are to be a mirror image of Jesus to them. The Bible provides clear guidance on this topic, encouraging us to honor one another and glorify God through our interactions and communications.
The Power of Listening
Biblical Foundations
I’m a man and a husband, which means I have heard the words, “Did you even hear anything I said?” Husbands, you know you have as well. And unfortunately, many of those times I didn’t. I knew my wife was speaking, but I didn’t listen or catch what she was communicating. I was either watching something on the TV, reading something, or just gazing off into the abyss, but was not trying to engage with whatever story she was sharing at the moment.
James 1:19 offers a timeless reminder: “Let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” Listening is more than a passive activity; it’s a deliberate act of love and humility. It’s one that I, and I suppose many of you too, struggle to intentionally do at times. Proverbs 18:13 warns, “If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame.” These verses emphasize the importance of prioritizing understanding over speaking.
Jesus exemplified this in His encounter with the Samaritan woman at the well (John 4). Though she wasn’t expecting it, He listened intently, asking questions that revealed her heart and gently guided her toward truth. He listened with intent as much as He spoke. His approach demonstrates that active listening isn’t just about hearing words; it’s about engaging with the speaker’s story, emotions, and needs.
Husbands, our wives want more than just our ears—they want our presence. They want to feel heard, seen, and understood. When we listen with intentionality, we’re not only building a stronger relationship, but we’re also reflecting Christ’s love and care. But this isn’t just about husbands listening to their wives. Wives, though their words are probably fewer and less emotional, they want to be heard too. Not just in the words they’re saying, but the messages they’re giving. Your coworkers, children, parents, neighbors, church family, and community members want to be heard too. Listening is an act of worship when done with the right heart and intentionality.
The Heart of Active Listening
Active listening goes far beyond merely being physically present in a conversation. It requires intentional effort and undivided attention, free from distractions. While it might sound simple, mastering this skill can profoundly impact your relationships. To practice active listening effectively, consider these three essential elements:
1. Focus on the Speaker
Active listening begins with prioritizing the person in front of you. Put away your phone, turn off the TV, close your laptop—eliminate anything competing for your attention. Making eye contact conveys respect and presence, signaling that the person speaking matters to you. An open posture, such as leaning slightly forward or nodding occasionally, reinforces your attentiveness. These small gestures communicate that you’re not just physically there but mentally engaged.
2. Reflect and Validate
Active listening is more than hearing words; it’s about truly understanding them. One way to do this is by paraphrasing or summarizing what the speaker has said. For example, you might say, “It sounds like you’re feeling overwhelmed about the upcoming project,” or “You’re really excited about this new opportunity, aren’t you?” These reflections confirm to the speaker that you’re paying attention and care about their feelings.
Validation is also crucial. Acknowledging their emotions—whether it’s joy, frustration, or sadness—builds a bridge of empathy. Even if you don’t fully agree with their perspective, showing that you understand where they’re coming from fosters trust and connection.
3. Ask Clarifying Questions
Thoughtful questions demonstrate genuine interest and encourage deeper dialogue. Instead of offering quick solutions or assumptions, ask open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about that?” or “How did that make you feel?” These questions invite the speaker to elaborate, helping you gain a clearer understanding of their thoughts and emotions.
By engaging in these three steps, active listening becomes like holding up a mirror to the speaker. A mirror doesn’t change the image; it reflects it back with clarity. Similarly, attentive listening reflects the speaker’s words and feelings, creating a sense of being heard and understood. This reflection fosters trust, opens the door to meaningful conversation, and strengthens relationships.
Consider how applying these principles could transform your interactions. With your spouse, active listening can diffuse tension and deepen intimacy. With your children, it shows them they’re valued, encouraging them to share openly. With coworkers and friends, it builds mutual respect and collaboration.
Active listening isn’t just a skill; it’s a gift we offer to others. It says, “You matter to me. Your words are important.” And in a world full of noise, offering your undivided attention is one of the most powerful ways to show love and care.
The Biblical View of Nonverbal Cues
While words are powerful, our actions often speak louder. Nonverbal communication—our facial expressions, gestures, tone of voice, and body language—has a profound impact on how our words are received. Scripture underscores the importance of aligning our actions with our words to reflect Christ's character and communicate love, truth, and grace effectively.
Actions Speak Louder Than Words
In Matthew 5:16, Jesus teaches, “Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” This verse highlights the way our actions serve as a testimony to the world. When our body language matches our message, we demonstrate authenticity and point others to God. A warm smile, open posture, or a gentle touch can communicate kindness and compassion far more effectively than words alone.
Similarly, 1 John 3:18 urges, “Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.” This verse reminds us that genuine love is expressed through actions, not just verbal affirmations. It challenges us to embody Christ’s love in tangible ways, including how we physically present ourselves to others.
The Impact of Nonverbal Communication
Proverbs 15:13 says, “A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” Our facial expressions often reveal what’s in our hearts, even when we’re silent. A cheerful face can uplift and encourage, while a frown or disinterested expression can unintentionally convey dismissal or frustration.
Ecclesiastes 9:10 adds, “Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with your might.” This principle applies to how we engage with others nonverbally. Whether through a firm handshake, a gentle embrace, or active engagement during a conversation, our physical actions reflect the sincerity of our intentions.
God’s Ultimate Nonverbal Communication
Romans 5:8 beautifully illustrates God’s ultimate act of nonverbal communication: “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Through the crucifixion, God’s actions spoke louder than any words could. The cross is a visual and eternal declaration of His boundless love for humanity.
Philippians 2:6-8 further emphasizes this truth, describing how Jesus, “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself, by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.” Christ’s humility and sacrificial actions communicate the depth of His love far beyond words.
Aligning Our Actions with Our Words
As followers of Christ, we are called to reflect His character in every aspect of our communication—spoken and unspoken. Colossians 3:17 encourages, “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” This means being mindful of how our body language, tone, and actions align with the message we want to convey.
Whether we’re offering a listening ear, comforting a grieving friend, or simply sharing a meal with someone in need, our actions can serve as a powerful testimony of God’s love. Let us strive to ensure that our nonverbal communication reinforces the truth and grace we seek to share, drawing others closer to Christ.
Practical Tips for Nonverbal Comm Practical Tips for Nonverbal Communication
Nonverbal communication is a vital aspect of how we connect with others. Our actions, expressions, and tone can reinforce or undermine our words. Here are some practical ways to ensure your nonverbal communication aligns with the message of Christ’s love:
1. Maintain Eye Contact
Eye contact is one of the simplest and most effective ways to show respect and attentiveness. It signals to the other person that they have your full attention and that you value what they are saying. Avoiding eye contact can make you appear disinterested or distracted. As Proverbs 20:12 reminds us, “The hearing ear and the seeing eye, the Lord has made them both.” Use this God-given ability to truly connect with others.
2. Use Open Gestures
Body language speaks volumes. Avoid crossing your arms or adopting a closed posture, as this can appear defensive or unapproachable. Instead, keep your arms relaxed and use open-handed gestures, which convey warmth and receptiveness. This openness mirrors the heart of Christ, who welcomed all who came to Him, saying, “Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).
3. Smile Genuinely
A sincere smile can break down barriers and create a sense of connection. It communicates kindness, empathy, and a welcoming spirit, reflecting the joy we have in Christ. Proverbs 15:30 tells us, “The light of the eyes rejoices the heart, and good news refreshes the bones.” A simple smile can uplift someone’s spirit and demonstrate the love of God in action.
4. Be Mindful of Tone
The tone of your voice carries significant weight in communication. A gentle, calm tone conveys patience, sincerity, and love, while a harsh or hurried tone can unintentionally cause hurt. Proverbs 15:1 teaches, “A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Be intentional about how you speak, ensuring your tone aligns with the message of grace you want to convey.
The Power of Nonverbal Actions: The Good Samaritan
The parable of the Good Samaritan (Luke 10:25–37) provides a powerful example of how nonverbal actions can communicate love and mercy. In the story, a man is beaten, robbed, and left for dead. Two individuals—a priest and a Levite—see him but pass by on the other side of the road. They may have had kind words in their hearts, but their lack of action rendered them meaningless.
In contrast, the Samaritan acted. Without speaking a single word, he demonstrated compassion by tending to the man’s wounds, placing him on his own animal, and taking him to an inn for care. His nonverbal actions—his willingness to stop, touch, carry, and provide—spoke volumes about his character and mercy.
This parable reminds us that our actions often communicate more powerfully than words. As James 2:17 says, “So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.” Let your nonverbal communication reflect a living faith that actively demonstrates God’s love to those around you.
Putting It into Practice
Nonverbal communication isn’t just about individual actions; it’s about creating a presence that consistently reflects Christ. Whether you’re engaging with your spouse, comforting a friend, or speaking to a coworker, these small but intentional choices can strengthen relationships and glorify God.
Remember, the way we communicate—both verbally and nonverbally—should always reflect the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23). When our nonverbal actions align with these qualities, we not only build trust and understanding but also become a living testimony of Christ’s love to the world.
Consistency Between Words and Deeds
Colossians 3:17 urges believers to approach every aspect of life—both words and actions—with intentionality: “And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.” This verse emphasizes the need for consistency between what we say and what we do. Our nonverbal actions must align with our verbal testimony, or we risk damaging the credibility of our witness. Hypocrisy, where actions contradict words, not only undermines trust but can also hinder others from seeing Christ in us.
On the other hand, when our actions consistently reflect the love and truth of Christ, they build trust and draw others to Him. As Jesus said in John 13:35, “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” Love isn’t just expressed in words; it’s demonstrated through tangible acts of kindness, compassion, and service.
The Example of Dorcas (Tabitha)
Dorcas, also known as Tabitha, provides a powerful example of the impact of consistent, Christlike actions. In Acts 9:36-42, she is described as a woman “full of good works and acts of charity.” Her life was marked by service—sewing garments for widows and meeting the needs of those around her. When she fell ill and died, the community’s grief was profound because her actions had touched so many lives.
When Peter arrived, the widows showed him the garments she had made, tangible evidence of her love and care. Peter prayed, and God raised her from the dead, leading many in the region to believe in the Lord. Dorcas’s story demonstrates how a life devoted to serving others can testify to God’s love in ways words alone cannot. Her acts of kindness were a living reflection of her faith, and through them, many came to know Christ.
The Power of Simple Acts
You don’t need a grand platform or extraordinary abilities to reflect Christ through your actions. Simple gestures—offering a helping hand, listening intently to someone’s struggles, or giving a comforting hug—can profoundly impact others. These acts may seem small, but they often carry significant weight. As Matthew 25:40 reminds us, “Truly, I say to you, as you did it to one of the least of these my brothers, you did it to me.”
A consistent life of service and kindness demonstrates that your faith is genuine. People notice when your actions align with your words, and this consistency has the power to open hearts to the gospel. Consider how your daily interactions—at home, work, or in your community—can be opportunities to reflect Christ’s love.
Aligning Words and Actions
To live out Colossians 3:17 fully, it’s crucial to regularly evaluate whether our nonverbal actions align with our verbal testimony. Are we embodying the love and grace we speak about? Are our actions pointing others to Jesus, or are they creating confusion or doubt?
Consistency in our witness requires intentionality. Galatians 6:9 encourages us, “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.” Even when our efforts seem unnoticed or unappreciated, we can trust that God sees and uses them for His glory.
As you seek to align your words and actions, remember that every gesture, no matter how small, has the potential to be a powerful witness to God’s love. Let your life be a testimony that draws others closer to Him, reflecting the beauty and truth of the gospel in all you do
Practical Applications
To honor God through your communication, consider these steps:
Reflect on Your Actions: Are your nonverbal cues consistent with your words? Seek feedback from trusted friends or family members.
Practice Kindness: Look for opportunities to serve others through small acts of love.
Shine Your Light: Be intentional about letting your actions reflect Christ’s character, especially in challenging situations.
Challenges and Opportunities
Modern life presents unique challenges to effective communication. The distractions of technology, the busyness of schedules, and the temptation to multitask can hinder our ability to listen and communicate well. However, these challenges also present opportunities to stand out as followers of Christ.
By turning off devices during conversations, prioritizing face-to-face interactions, and practicing patience, we can model a countercultural approach to communication that honors God and values others. If you are like me, you probably read this article and thought of a few people you wish could read it and grasp it, too. Stop. This isn’t for anyone else. This is for you. This is for me. This is an opportunity to give God more glory through our lives. This is our opportunity.
Listening and nonverbal communication are powerful tools for reflecting Christ’s love. When we actively listen, we demonstrate humility and prioritize others. When our nonverbal cues align with our words, we build credibility and glorify God. Together, these practices form a testimony that speaks volumes about the transformative power of the Gospel.
As you go about your week, consider how your listening and nonverbal communication reflect your faith. Are you a mirror of Christ’s love, reflecting His character in every interaction? Let your words, actions, and gestures point others to the Savior. Through intentional communication, we can honor one another and glorify the God who calls us to be holy in all our conduct.