Learning From A Serial Killer; How To Make Discipleship A Priority FOr Your Family
How to Make Discipleship a Priority in Your Home
Life often feels like a relentless cycle of tasks—work deadlines, school projects, errands, and endless notifications pulling us in every direction. In the grind of daily life, it’s all too easy to lose sight of what truly matters. We get so consumed by the trees that we forget there’s a whole forest to behold. But what if your home could be more than a place to crash at the end of a long day? What if it became a sanctuary of growth, joy, and purpose—a place where discipleship isn’t just another obligation but the heartbeat of a thriving, Christ-centered family? By reexamining how we prioritize and live out our calling, we can transform our homes into vibrant spaces where faith comes alive and every moment becomes an opportunity to walk with Jesus together. Let’s dive in and discover how to make this vision a reality.
The Turning Point
Jim Ellis was 45, the kind of dad who thought he had it all figured out. He worked long hours as a project manager, his wife Sarah had her own full-time job, and their twin teenagers, Lily and Jake, were thriving. They were both exceptional soccer players and excelled in their studies. The family seemed to have it all—the house, the cars, the vacations—but something was missing. It wasn’t until one fateful evening that Jim began to realize how much they had been missing all along.
The evening routine had become a blur: schoolwork, soccer practice, quick meals, and everyone collapsing into their separate spaces after the long, exhausting day. The sound of laughter, shared stories, and meaningful conversations had been replaced by the hum of a distant TV or the click of keyboards. They were all physically present, but emotionally and spiritually, they were as disconnected as ever. Jim noticed that his once-close relationship with his children was fading, and even his marriage felt strained.
One evening, while driving home from a late meeting, Jim was listening to a podcast on his phone. It was a Christian speaker discussing what it meant to live out true, radical discipleship in the home. He’d always thought of discipleship as something that happened in church or during Bible studies, but what struck him in that moment was how the speaker described it: “Discipleship is not just an activity. It’s a lifestyle. It’s about modeling a life that points others to Christ, especially in your own home.”
The weight of those words hit Jim like a brick. He’d been so focused on giving his family everything they needed—the best education, the best sports opportunities, the best vacations—that he’d forgotten the most important thing: to model true, radical discipleship to them. His role as a father wasn’t just about providing material things or pushing them to succeed. It was about guiding them in their relationship with God, showing them what it meant to live out the faith every day, no matter how busy life became.
The next morning, Jim woke up with a new sense of purpose. As Sarah prepared breakfast, he hesitated, then said, “I think we need to make some changes around here. It’s time we get back to what really matters.” Sarah looked at him curiously, sensing his earnestness. “What do you mean?”
“I’ve been so focused on everything else, I’ve neglected the most important thing. Our faith. Discipleship. I need to start being the kind of dad that shows our kids what it means to follow Christ, not just talk about it.”
It wasn’t easy. That first week, Jim introduced a new routine. Instead of collapsing in front of the TV after dinner, they gathered in the living room for a time of Bible reading, prayer, and reflection. Jim wasn’t perfect at it. His words sometimes faltered, and his kids rolled their eyes, a little annoyed by the change in pace. Lily and Jake were teenagers, and they were used to the quiet, predictable routine they’d grown accustomed to. But Jim stuck with it.
The changes didn’t happen overnight, but slowly, they began to feel the shift. The evenings that once felt like a mad rush to get through were now filled with conversation, laughter, and meaningful connections. They discussed not only their day, but also their struggles, their hopes, and their dreams. Jim found himself being more present, more intentional, and more open with his children. He began to pray with them regularly, asking them what they needed from God and guiding them in understanding Scripture in a way that was relevant to their lives.
At first, there was resistance. Lily and Jake complained about having to sit through the Bible readings, and Sarah was unsure about the changes Jim was pushing for. But over time, the resistance softened. One evening, after a particularly lively conversation about faith and sports, Jake turned to Jim and said, “I didn’t realize how much I missed talking like this. It feels... different. Good different.”
Sarah, too, began to notice the change. She had always been supportive of Jim’s efforts, but now she saw a deeper connection between him and the kids. Their marriage, once on autopilot, started to revive. They rediscovered the joy of sharing life with one another, of living out their faith together, and of seeing their children grow in ways they never anticipated.
Weekends became something they all looked forward to. The house, once filled with a low hum of tiredness, was now a place of laughter, discussion, and joy. Jim no longer felt like a man going through the motions. He was a dad who had rediscovered his purpose. His family, though imperfect, had begun to understand that true success wasn’t about how much they could accomplish or how busy they could stay. It was about who they were becoming in Christ.
Jim realized something he never expected: true happiness didn’t come from what he could give his family, but from what he could lead them toward. And by focusing on radical discipleship, he had given them the one thing that had been missing all along—connection, not just to one another, but to God.
As the days passed, Jim watched his children—once so caught up in the whirlwind of their schedules—begin to experience a peace and joy they had never known. They weren’t just surviving anymore. They were thriving.
Jim smiled to himself one evening as the family sat together, laughing over dinner. He had given them a different kind of home—a home where faith was more than just a word, it was a way of life. And that, he realized, was the greatest gift he could ever give.
What Is Biblical Discipleship?
To understand true biblical discipleship, it’s crucial to recognize the cultural context in which Jesus issued His call. In the first century, discipleship wasn’t just a spiritual practice; it was a way of life deeply embedded in the Jewish faith and culture. Jewish boys, particularly those with a strong desire for religious knowledge, would seek to follow a rabbi, a revered teacher of the law. The process of becoming a disciple of a rabbi was not simply about learning information—it was about emulating the rabbi’s way of life in every detail. The relationship between a rabbi and his disciple was intimate and transformative, and it was rooted in total commitment.
When Jesus called His disciples, His invitation echoed this well-established practice, but with a radical twist. Jesus didn’t call His disciples to merely follow Him for a few lessons or to take notes in a classroom setting. His call was for them to fully embrace His way of life, to walk with Him in every moment and to learn not just from His words, but from His very life. In Matthew 16:24, Jesus says, "If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me" (ESV). This command mirrors the depth of commitment expected in a rabbi-disciple relationship, but it goes much further, introducing the cost of discipleship—sacrifice, self-denial, and a complete reorientation of life. Jesus’ disciples were called to follow Him not just as a teacher, but as the embodiment of God’s will on earth.
The Rabbi-Disciple Relationship in Jewish Culture
In Jewish tradition, a disciple’s primary goal was to become like the rabbi, imitating not only his teachings but also his actions, mannerisms, and way of life. Disciples would follow their rabbi wherever he went, learning through observation, interaction, and even imitation. This was known as being “covered in the dust of the rabbi,” meaning that the disciple walked so closely behind the rabbi that the dust from his sandals would settle on him. Disciples weren’t just listeners or students—they were apprentices, seeking to embody the very life of their rabbi.
For a disciple, the relationship was deeply personal. It wasn’t about gaining knowledge for knowledge’s sake, but about being transformed by the rabbi’s example. Jesus’ call to His disciples in Mark 1:17 is a prime example: "And Jesus said to them, 'Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men.'" (ESV). This invitation wasn’t just to follow Jesus on a physical journey; it was a call to be remade, to adopt His mission, His purpose, and His way of life. Discipleship was a process of becoming like the rabbi in every aspect of life.
Jesus’ Call to Radical Discipleship
Jesus' call to discipleship, while rooted in this Jewish rabbinic tradition, takes on a radical new meaning when placed in the context of His divine identity and mission. The cost of discipleship that Jesus emphasizes is higher than anything a first-century Jewish disciple might expect. It is not merely about intellectual pursuit or external conformity. True discipleship, according to Jesus, requires a complete surrender of one's life—every aspect, every decision, every relationship, and every ambition.
In Matthew 16:24, Jesus' call to "deny himself and take up his cross" introduces the idea that following Him involves suffering and sacrifice. This wasn’t part of the traditional rabbinic call. In fact, most rabbis would not have called their disciples to endure hardship or persecution. But Jesus, as both the Rabbi and the Messiah, calls His disciples to follow Him into a life of self-denial, even to the point of death. The cross was a symbol of shame and execution in Roman society, and Jesus uses it to describe the totality of commitment required to follow Him.
Discipleship, in Jesus' terms, is not just about learning new teachings but about embracing a new identity and a new purpose. It’s about being transformed by the power of the Holy Spirit, living a life that reflects Jesus’ own character. Just as a disciple of a rabbi would strive to imitate their teacher in every way, so too are Christians called to reflect Christ in their thoughts, actions, and relationships. This is the essence of biblical discipleship—imitating the life of Jesus in all things.
A Daily Commitment to Follow Jesus
True discipleship is not a one-time decision but a daily commitment. Jesus’ call in Luke 9:23 to "take up his cross daily" highlights the ongoing nature of following Him. Discipleship is not simply about making a decision once but about continuing to follow Jesus every day. Just as a disciple of a first-century rabbi would have to daily choose to live in a way that reflected his rabbi’s teachings, so too are Christians called to live out their faith day by day.
In Philippians 3:12-14, Paul describes this ongoing journey of discipleship: "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own" (ESV). Discipleship is a process of becoming more like Christ, of pressing on toward the goal of knowing Him more fully and reflecting His character more faithfully. It requires perseverance, dedication, and daily choices to follow Jesus wherever He leads.
Biblical discipleship, rooted in the first-century Jewish understanding of the rabbi-disciple relationship, is not merely about learning from Jesus; it is about becoming like Him. It is a radical, all-encompassing commitment to follow Him in every aspect of life. Jesus’ call to "take up your cross" and "deny yourself" highlights the cost of true discipleship—a cost that demands everything from us. It’s not a side task, but the very heart of the Christian life. Discipleship involves a daily, intentional pursuit of becoming like Jesus in thought, word, and deed, both in our personal lives and in how we lead and disciple others, especially within our homes. As we follow Jesus, we are not just learning about Him, we are being transformed by Him into His image.
Discipleship in the Home: A Continuous Process
One of the most significant aspects of discipleship is that it’s not just about private devotion or intellectual learning—it’s about living out the teachings of Jesus in every aspect of life, including within our homes. In first-century Judaism, the rabbi-disciple relationship was often extended to family and community life. Disciples weren’t just expected to learn from the rabbi in secluded settings, but to embody the teachings in everyday activities.
In the same way, Jesus calls His followers to make disciples in their homes. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 instructs parents to teach God’s commands to their children constantly: “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise” (ESV). Discipleship is not a program or a once-a-week activity; it is a lifestyle that should be lived out in every moment, especially in the context of our families.
To lead a home in discipleship is to model Christlikeness in every relationship, every decision, and every action. It’s about showing our families that following Jesus is not a part-time endeavor—it’s a full-time way of life. As parents, we are to be both the teachers and the examples, living out the gospel before our children, just as Jesus lived out the message of the Kingdom before His disciples.
What Does Discipleship in the Home Look Like?
1. Leading by Example: Total Surrender
After my father’s arrest when I was four years old, our family visited him often in prison. He was a loving father, but he hated the idea of God. He wasn’t sure God existed, but because of the extreme trauma and abuse he faced as a child, his thought process was, “If God is real and he allowed a kid like me to go through that abuse without stopping it, I don’t want anything to do with Him.”
Over time, just to get out of his prison cell, he started attending chapel services in the prison. He’d sit in the back, ignore the messages, and remain cold towards the idea of God. God used that time to begin chipping away at my dad’s cold heart, though. One Easter Sunday, away from people, away from emotional manipulation, away from chapel, God used a televised church service to get the attention of my dad. From that moment on, he was a changed man.
He didn’t have all the answers, and he wasn’t a theologian, but it was obvious God had changed my dad. His demeanor, conversations, and language changed. He really was a completely different person, and it was obvious to everyone around him.
Before you can disciple your family effectively, you must first evaluate your own heart. Are you living a life fully surrendered to Christ? Discipleship begins with personal transformation. If your spouse and children do not see you living in obedience to Jesus, it will be difficult for them to embrace the faith you aim to instill. The Apostle Paul’s reminder in 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 underscores this truth: “You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” This call to live as people who belong to Christ sets the foundation for everything else in discipleship.
Living a surrendered life means making choices that reflect your commitment to Jesus in everyday situations, even when it's challenging. For example, imagine you’re dealing with a difficult coworker who spreads rumors about you or undermines your efforts. The natural response might be to retaliate, defend your reputation, or harbor bitterness. Instead, as someone striving to live like Jesus, you choose forgiveness and prayer. Jesus commands in Matthew 5:44, “But I say to you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Acting on this command shows a life transformed by God’s grace.
When your family witnesses you responding in this Christlike way, it speaks volumes. Your children may notice the patience and humility you show, even if they don't fully understand the situation. Later, they might ask questions: “Why didn’t you say something mean back? How can you be nice to someone who’s unkind to you?” These moments become opportunities to teach them about grace, forgiveness, and the power of living out your faith.
It’s important to remember that your actions often speak louder than your words. The values and principles you uphold in your daily life are what your family will internalize. If you consistently demonstrate a life surrendered to Jesus—one marked by prayer, humility, integrity, and love—your family will begin to see that faith isn’t just a set of beliefs; it’s a way of life.
Your personal example sets the tone for your household. It’s not about being perfect but about being authentic and intentional. A surrendered life admits its flaws and turns to God for strength and forgiveness. When your family sees you living this way, they not only learn what it means to follow Jesus—they also witness the power of His transformative love in action.
2. Establishing Rhythms of Faith: Daily Following
Discipleship thrives on consistency. Deuteronomy 6:6-7 tells us, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” This means weaving God’s truth into your everyday life. That happened with my dad. When he’d call to talk to us, he’s pray for us, tell us what he was reading in the bible, and offer advice. He’d encourage us to do the right thing. When we went to visit him in prison, he’d bring his Bible to the visiting room with us and we’d read it together; in front of all the other guests and families. As a child and preteen, yes it was awkward. But looking back I can see the impact and difference it made. He didn’t wait for a formal church time to train us. He did the best he could with what he had.
If you’re wondering where to even start, here are practical ways to create rhythms of faith:
Family Devotions: Gather as a family to read Scripture. Even five to ten minutes a day can set a powerful foundation. For instance, read a Psalm together each morning and discuss one verse that stands out.
Prayer: Encourage your family to bring everything to God in prayer. Share a story of answered prayer in your life to inspire them. For example, recall how God provided during a financial crisis or healed a relationship.
Scripture Memorization: Make learning God’s Word fun. Use songs or games to memorize key verses like Philippians 4:13 (“I can do all things through him who strengthens me”).
3. Building Relationships: Living in Community
Discipleship isn’t a solo endeavor. Authentic discipleship thrives in relationships, starting with your family and extending to your church community. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds us, “And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another.”
Create a home environment where your family feels safe to share struggles, ask questions, and grow in their faith. For example, if your teenager expresses doubt about God’s goodness, listen without judgment. Share your own struggles and how God met you in them.
Extend this community to your church. Join a small group or serve together as a family. One family I know volunteers at a local shelter every month. Their kids have seen firsthand how serving others demonstrates Christ’s love (Matthew 25:40).
4. Reorienting Priorities: Radical Commitment
Jesus said, “Seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you” (Matthew 6:33). Discipleship requires reordering your family’s priorities. This might mean cutting back on extracurricular activities or limiting screen time to make room for spiritual growth.
For example, consider a family who gave up weekend sports tournaments to prioritize church and family worship. At first, the kids resisted, but over time, they saw the joy and peace that came from centering their lives on Christ.
Teach your children to value eternal impact over worldly success. Philippians 3:8 reminds us that everything is a loss compared to the surpassing worth of knowing Christ.
The Rewards of Prioritizing Discipleship
When you prioritize discipleship in your home, the rewards are profound:
Spiritual Growth: You’ll see your family grow closer to Jesus and to one another. The fruit of the Spirit—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control—will flourish (Galatians 5:22-23).
A Lasting Legacy: Your faith can impact generations. Timothy’s faith, for instance, was nurtured by his grandmother Lois and mother Eunice (2 Timothy 1:5).
Kingdom Impact: A family rooted in Christ can influence their community and beyond. Imagine your family’s small acts of obedience creating ripples that draw others to Jesus.
The Consequences of Neglecting Discipleship
Judges 2:10 delivers a sobering warning about the consequences of spiritual neglect: “And there arose another generation after them who did not know the Lord or the work that he had done for Israel.” This verse highlights a tragic reality—a generation grew up disconnected from the faith of their ancestors, unaware of God’s mighty works and His covenant with His people. How did this happen? It wasn’t due to a lack of religious knowledge in their community but rather a failure to pass that faith along intentionally and consistently.
Without purposeful discipleship, faith doesn’t just remain stagnant—it withers. Left untended, the seeds of faith in children can be overshadowed by the more immediate and pervasive influences of culture. Today, the influences vying for our children’s attention are more potent than ever: social media, entertainment, peers, and societal norms that often run counter to biblical values. These influences can take root and grow unless actively countered by a strong foundation of faith nurtured within the home.
Consider a family that prioritizes worldly success—academics, athletics, career ambitions—above spiritual growth. While these pursuits are not inherently wrong, the unspoken message children may receive is that God occupies a secondary place in life. If faith is only addressed on Sunday mornings or treated as a box to check, children can conclude that spiritual matters are less important than measurable achievements. Over time, this can lead to a slow but steady drift from God. When challenges come, they may lack the grounding to see their need for Him, leading to complacency or even outright rejection of faith.
The consequences of neglecting discipleship extend far beyond the individual child. A faithless generation does not merely stop attending church or reading the Bible—they lose their connection to the transformative power of God’s truth. This disconnection impacts their relationships, their worldview, and their ability to pass the faith to their own children. The ripple effects of this neglect can echo for generations.
To prevent this, parents must take an active role in their children’s spiritual development. This means more than attending church or teaching Bible stories; it requires modeling a vibrant, living faith in daily life. It involves open conversations about God’s work in your own life, addressing difficult questions about faith and culture, and ensuring that God is not just a part of life but the center of it.
Discipleship also means creating a home environment where spiritual growth is encouraged and celebrated. This could involve family devotions, prayer, serving together, or making time to discuss how faith intersects with everyday decisions. When children see faith prioritized and lived out authentically, they come to understand that their relationship with God is not just another aspect of life—it is life itself.
Judges 2:10 serves as a clarion call for parents and guardians today. Without intentional discipleship, we risk raising a generation that doesn’t know the Lord. But with diligence, prayer, and purposeful action, we can pass on a legacy of faith that endures, ensuring that the next generation knows not only about God but experiences His transforming power in their own lives.
How to Start Making Discipleship a Priority
Start Small: Don’t try to change everything overnight. Begin with one habit, like a weekly family devotion or a prayer before meals.
Be Intentional: Schedule time for spiritual practices. What gets scheduled gets done.
Involve the Whole Family: Encourage everyone to take ownership. Let your kids lead prayers or choose Bible passages.
Rely on God’s Strength: Remember, you’re not doing this alone. God’s grace is sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9).
Wrapping It Up
Friend, making discipleship a priority in your home is a challenging but deeply rewarding journey. My dad, a serial killer on death row, gave his life to Christ while awaiting execution, and tried his absolute best to ensure his family knew God. He discipled his family. Discipleship is about surrendering your life to Jesus and leading your family to do the same. The rewards—spiritual growth, a lasting legacy, and kingdom impact—are eternal.
So take a step today. Start small, be intentional, and trust God to guide you. When you prioritize discipleship, you’re planting seeds of faith that will bear fruit for generations. And remember, you’re not alone—God is with you every step of the way.