I Was Raised in Poverty by a High School Dropout, Single Mom—13 Reasons I Wouldn’t Change It If I Could
Growing up in poverty with a single mother who didn’t finish high school might sound like a tough start—and it was. But looking back, I wouldn’t trade my childhood for anything. The struggles, the challenges, and the sacrifices all shaped me into the person I am today. In a world that often equates success with privilege, I’ve learned that true strength is built in the fire of adversity. I might even argue that my struggle was my privilege, giving me experiences and wisdom not found in a more comfortable upbringing.
When I was 4 years old, my father was arrested and convicted of multiple counts of murder across multiple states. Both he and my mom had dropped out of school to run away and get married, escaping situations in their household that traumatized them, hoping for a better future. That future did not turn out how either of them dreamt.
My young mother was left to raise four young children on her own. While she finished her GED and attempted to attend community college, she could not juggle the school workload while trying to work, raise four children, and afford childcare. It was literally impossible. And so we settled into a life of poverty, government assistance, and the goodwill of others. While the food stamps came in, they often fell short of our monthly needs, and so church members dropped boxes of groceries and hand-me-downs on our doorsteps. Dinners always consisted of whatever was on clearance at the grocery store. Life was tough.
While I was in early elementary school my mother was found to have a genetic disorder called FAP (familial adenomatous polyposis) a condition that greatly increases the risk of colorectal cancer. She had to surgically have her large and small intestines almost entirely removed, and a colostomy bag fitted, after thousands of pre-cancerous polyps were discovered. This threw an even bigger wrench in our family’s situation, leaving greater responsibilities on me. I learned how to cook small dinners for the family as my mom gave instructions from the living room couch as she recovered from surgery. I learned to take up many responsibilities most 7, 8, and 9 year old kids never have.
I am grateful for my upbringing. While there are certainly situations and circumstances that I would love to alter, here are 13 reasons why I wouldn’t change my upbringing, even if I could.
1. Resilience
Life wasn’t easy, but it taught me how to keep going, no matter what. When you grow up watching your mom push through impossible circumstances, you learn to do the same. There are thousands of reasons she could have given to give up. But she didn’t. She didn’t allow us to make excuses for why we couldn’t do anything either. Resilience isn’t just a buzzword; it’s a survival skill that has served me well in every area of life. I’ve learned that if something doesn’t work the first few ways you’ve tried, keep attempting. Keep pushing. Keep trying. My resilience in ministry, marriage, and life can be traced back to my upbringing.
2. Work Ethic
When you watch someone fight for every meal, every bill, and every opportunity, you develop a deep respect for hard work. I saw firsthand that nothing comes easy, and if you want something, you have to be willing to work for it. That mindset has driven me in my career, my ministry, and my family life. When COVID impacted my work life, I literally hand-pulled weeds in someone’s yard to make money. I’ve done hard, laborious work in order to make sure my family was taken care of. I am not the most skilled, but I will do whatever I need to do, for as long as I need to do it, to survive and support my family. Whether it’s providing financial resources, or whatever the call, I find myself always trying to outwork those around me.
3. Empathy for Others
Struggle has a way of softening your heart toward others who are hurting. Because I’ve been there, I can recognize the silent battles people fight every day. This has shaped how I approach discipleship and Christian parenting, this is how I approach ministry and public school work—leading with compassion, not judgment. Instead of just judging others for their actions, I attempt to look beyond their ‘response’ and see what is leading them to act and speak the way they are. This empathy certainly enables deeper understanding, leading to healthier, more thriving engagements and relationships.
4. Independence
When resources are scarce, you learn to figure things out on your own. I didn’t have a safety net, so I had to become resourceful early in life. I took on manual-labor summer jobs as soon as someone would hire me at 13. From lawn care, to installing in-ground swimming pools, to cleaning construction sites, I made my own money and depended on no one, as early as I could. As soon as I turned 15 I took my first legal job, working hours that stretched me. After school and weekends were filled with work as I was determined not to learn to always rely on someone else. That independence has helped me step confidently into leadership, make decisions under pressure, and trust God when the path ahead is unclear.
5. A Grateful Perspective
Having little teaches you to appreciate what you do have. I strive not to take blessings for granted, and I’ve worked hard to instill that same gratitude in my own child. She experienced far more in her first 5 years of living than I did in my first 18. She has more than I ever dreamed. And we remind her that though she doesn’t have nearly as much as some around her, she has more than what she needs. In a culture that always wants more, gratitude shifts the focus from what’s missing to what’s already present.
6. Creative Problem-Solving
When money is tight, you get creative. I learned how to stretch a dollar, fix things instead of replacing them (thanks to the beauty of YouTube and the internet, and a very handy father-in-law), and think outside the box when it came to opportunities. That creativity has been invaluable in ministry and leadership, where problem-solving is an everyday necessity. Learning to see through that worldview, that problems aren’t always crashes that must halt everything, but rather reasons to think creatively and differently is a huge advantage in life.
7. Emotional Strength
Growing up with uncertainty and hardship teaches you how to manage emotions and stay strong under pressure. I learned early that emotions can’t dictate decisions, and that self-control is a key aspect of maturity. Now admittedly, I may have gone too far in the other direction with this, and learned to not have many emotions at all, but I certainly do not make emotional decisions when I am up or down. This has helped me in biblical worldview discipleship, as I help others navigate their struggles with faith and wisdom.
8. A Heart for the Underdog
When you’ve been overlooked, you naturally gravitate toward those who feel invisible. I’ve always had a heart for the underdog, and that has shaped my ministry and leadership. To this day, I’ll turn on a television and automatically start rooting for the sports teams that are predicted to lose the game. I gravitate towards kids who have hurts. I pull for the underdog. Whether it’s mentoring young people, supporting struggling families, or advocating for the marginalized, I know firsthand how much it matters when someone believes in you.
9. Ability to Adapt
Life is unpredictable, but when you’ve grown up in instability, you learn how to adjust. Adaptability is a strength that has helped me in ministry, family life, and leadership. Change doesn’t rattle me because I learned young that God is my constant, not my circumstances.
10. Strong Sense of Responsibility
I took on adult responsibilities early in life, and while that wasn’t always easy, it prepared me for leadership. Whether it was helping care for siblings, managing household tasks, or working to contribute to our family’s bills or groceries, I learned that responsibility isn’t something to run from—it’s something to embrace. Being able to work hard and see the results of your work is encouraging. It builds a sense of healthy pride, and when you see that you can take care of yourself, you then want to own the responsibility to help care for those around you.
11. Appreciation for Education
I saw firsthand what limited opportunities looked like, so I developed a deep appreciation for learning. Even though my mom didn’t finish high school, she always encouraged us to value education. This, many times, is not formal education, though. It’s learning from life. It’s reading books. It’s watching videos. It’s constantly feeding your mind with various techniques, perspectives, and ideas. Beyond formal schooling, I learned that wisdom—especially biblical wisdom—is what truly equips us for life. I had a college professor that once stated to me, “Never let your schooling get in the way of your education.” Thanks Dr. Powell.
12. Faith & Trust in God
When you grow up with little, you learn to rely on God in a real and tangible way. I saw Him provide when it didn’t make sense. We literally had boxes of groceries dropped at our doorstep when we had no groceries in the house. I saw thousands of dollars roll in when i felt the call to go on an international mission trip as a 16 year old. God provided. I learned that faith isn’t just something you talk about in church; it’s something you live when you don’t know how you’re going to make it through the next month. That foundation of faith has shaped my view of Christian parenting and discipleship.
13. A Story Worth Sharing
At the end of the day, my story is a testimony of God’s grace, strength, and provision. I know what it’s like to struggle, and I know what it’s like to see God show up in the middle of it all. That story is worth sharing—not to boast in my own strength, but to point others to the One who carried me through.
Growing up in poverty with a single mom who didn’t have a diploma wasn’t easy, but it shaped me in ways I wouldn’t trade for anything. The struggles that once felt overwhelming became the very things that forged resilience, deepened my faith, and taught me the value of perseverance. I learned that true strength isn’t found in comfort but in pressing forward when the odds are stacked against you.
Now, as I raise my own family and walk alongside others in discipleship, I carry these lessons with me. They shape how I encourage my daughter, how I mentor others, and how I see the world. My past wasn’t a series of random hardships—it was a training ground. God was at work in every challenge, every moment of uncertainty, and every setback. He was building something in me that I couldn’t see at the time.
Maybe your story isn’t the same as mine, but you’ve faced your own struggles. You’ve walked through seasons that felt unfair, overwhelming, or even hopeless. But here’s the truth: God doesn’t waste anything. Not the pain, not the disappointments, not the hardships. Every part of your journey has a purpose, and He can use it for His glory if you let Him.
So don’t despise the road you’ve walked. Instead, look for the good that has come from it. How has it shaped you? What lessons has it taught you? Who can you encourage because of what you’ve been through?
Struggles aren’t just obstacles; they’re opportunities. They’re the very things God can use to equip you for your calling and give you a voice to help others. So don’t keep your story to yourself. Someone out there needs to hear it—because for them, the battle isn’t over yet, and they need to know that there’s hope on the other side.
Take what you’ve been given, even the hard parts, and use it to lift someone else up. Because in the end, that’s what makes the journey worth it.