Before You Leave: Why "I'm Not Getting Anything Out of Church" is the Wrong Attitude
Why "I'm Not Getting Anything Out of Church" is the Wrong Attitude
Sarah slouched in her car after the service, staring at the dashboard. Her kids were buckling their seatbelts in the backseat, chattering about lunch plans, but her mind was somewhere else. “I don’t know,” she said to her husband, “I just feel like I’m not getting anything out of church anymore. The sermons are fine, but they don’t really hit me like they used to. Maybe we need to find a different church.”
Her husband nodded absentmindedly but didn’t respond. Deep down, Sarah felt torn. She liked the people at their church, but Sunday after Sunday, she left feeling unfulfilled. Was it time to move on?
This sentiment isn’t uncommon. Many Christians find themselves discontent with their church experience and wonder if they should leave for greener pastures. But is this the right perspective? Let’s take a closer look.
Misunderstanding the Purpose of Church
When someone says, “I’m not getting anything out of church,” it reveals a misunderstanding of what church is meant to be. Church isn’t for you. Church isn’t a spiritual entertainment venue or a self-help seminar. It’s not somewhere you go to get emotionally or mentally stirred. Church is what you are a part of, but it’s not for you. Church is about God. It’s a family—a community of believers united by their shared faith in Christ. Its primary purpose is not to meet all your needs but to glorify God through worship, discipleship, and service. It is an organization whose purpose is to recognize the greatness and glory of God, and to corporately strive to give Him the response that He deserves.
In a culture obsessed with personal fulfillment, it’s easy to adopt a consumer mentality toward church. We may treat it like a product, evaluating its “performance” based on how it makes us feel or whether it addresses our specific issues. But that mindset is at odds with the biblical worldview. Church is not about us; it’s about God and His people.
The Problem with a Consumer Mentality
The consumer mindset shifts the focus away from God and onto ourselves. It’s all about, “Am I entertained? Am I being fed? Does this service meet my preferences? Do I ‘connect’ with the people? Do they look, sound, and act like me?” While there’s nothing wrong with desiring growth and engagement, making church primarily about personal satisfaction leads to several problems:
Spiritual Stagnation: Instead of growing in faith, believers can become passive, expecting the church to “feed” them without taking responsibility for their own spiritual nourishment. When you should be self-feeding on spiritual meat, you’re relying on someone else to feed you spiritual milk.
Discontentment: No church is perfect, and focusing on its shortcomings often leads to dissatisfaction, which can spiral into a pattern of church-hopping. Looking for the perfect church for your family, or one that scratches more of your preferential itches is only a temporary fix as people and circumstances change.
Ego-Centered Faith: This mindset trains Christians to focus on what they can get rather than what they can give in worship and service to God. This is the exact OPPOSITE of the Bible’s call for us. It’s placing your desires and needs above others, and above God’s. This is self-worship; idolatry.
Legitimate Reasons to Leave a Church
While leaving a church due to a consumer mindset is problematic, there are legitimate reasons to prayerfully consider moving on from a church community. These include:
Blasphemous Theology: If a church teaches doctrine that directly contradicts the core truths of Scripture—such as denying the deity of Christ, the authority of Scripture, or salvation by grace through faith—it’s time to find a church that faithfully proclaims the gospel.
Unrepentant Leadership Sin: If church leaders are involved in ongoing sin and refuse accountability, it can harm the spiritual health of the congregation. In such cases, leaving may be necessary for your own spiritual well-being.
Abuse or Toxic Environment: If a church fosters an environment of abuse, manipulation, or legalism, it’s essential to seek a healthier community that reflects the love and grace of Christ.
Lack of Biblical Teaching: A church that consistently neglects to teach from the Bible or prioritizes entertainment over truth is failing in its mission. Look for a church that prioritizes discipleship and sound doctrine.
Calling or Conviction: Sometimes, God calls individuals to leave a church to serve elsewhere, plant a new church, or support a ministry in need. These decisions should be bathed in prayer and discernment.
When leaving a church, it’s important to do so with humility, grace, and love. Avoid spreading negativity or division and seek to maintain unity in the body of Christ, even as you transition.
The Role of a Mature Christian
For those who have been Christians for more than a couple of years, it’s time to mature in how they approach church. Hebrews 5:12 rebukes believers who should be teachers by now but are still stuck needing “milk” instead of solid food. A mature Christian understands that church is not about personal consumption but about contributing to the body of Christ.
When we view church through the lens of discipleship, we realize that it’s not just a place to receive but also a place to give. True discipleship calls us to:
Serve Others: God has given every believer unique gifts to build up the church (1 Corinthians 12:7). If you’re not feeling “fed,” ask yourself how you can help feed others through ministry and service.
Encourage the Body: Relationships within the church are crucial. Hebrews 10:24-25 reminds us to “stir up one another to love and good works” and not neglect meeting together.
Worship God: Church is primarily about glorifying God. Instead of focusing on what you’re getting, focus on what you’re giving to God through your worship.
Practical Steps to Shift Your Mindset
If you find yourself feeling unfulfilled at church, here are some practical ways to change your perspective:
Reframe Your Expectations: Stop asking, “What am I getting out of this?” and start asking, “What can I contribute?” Approach each Sunday as an opportunity to serve, encourage, and glorify God. By asking how you can best glorify God with your church today, we take the focus off of us.
Get Involved: Join a small group, volunteer in a ministry, or find ways to mentor others. Engaging in the life of the church transforms it from a passive experience to an active one. If something doesn’t work the way you feel it should, address it by getting active.
Prioritize Discipleship: Invest in your own spiritual growth through personal Bible study, prayer, and accountability relationships. A spiritually mature believer doesn’t rely solely on Sunday sermons for nourishment. Church is seen as a multivitamin rather than the primary source of their needs. Your personal growth should come primarily from your time with God in His Word. Church supplements that.
Teach Your Children the Right Perspective: As a Christian parent, model a biblical worldview for your kids by showing them that church is about worshiping God and serving others, not just about what they “get out of it.” Our connection to our church isn’t about what needs of ours it meets, but rather what we can do for God and His children. Christian parents want to model that well for their kids, even when things are not the most comfortable.
Commitment Over Convenience
Imagine if we treated our biological families the same way we treat our church families. You wouldn’t abandon your family because they weren’t meeting your every need. In the same way, church is a family that requires commitment, even when it’s challenging.
The beauty of church is found in its imperfections. It’s a group of broken people, saved by grace, coming together to glorify God and grow in Christlikeness. It’s messy, but it’s worth it.
So, if you’re feeling unfulfilled at church, resist the urge to leave. Instead, lean in. Seek ways to grow, serve, and glorify God in the midst of it. Church is not about getting your needs met; it’s about committing to God and His people for His glory.
And who knows? As you shift your focus from what you can get to what you can give, you might find that your own heart begins to change in the process.